Mom and dad, embracing and kissing toddler girl

Parenting comes with moments of joy, frustration and everything in between. Encouraging positive parenting means focusing on kindness toward yourself as much as toward your child. The way you speak to yourself influences your parenting style.

When you practice self-kindness, you create a calmer, more supportive environment at home. Giving yourself empathy on hard days helps you stay grounded and patient. It also models for your child how to treat themselves with compassion when they face challenges.

Why self-encouragement is important

Your words to yourself matter as much as your words to your child. If you’re telling yourself “I’m failing” or “I can’t do this,” it can add stress and make parenting feel harder. Instead, try messages like “I’m learning” or “I did my best today.” Positive self-talk helps you stay confident, flexible and open to problem-solving.

“Just like we want the children to learn through empathy, we need to have self-empathy and compassion for ourselves. It not only helps us in the moment, but it teaches and models for that child,” – Tiffany Stenson, MC, IMH-E, Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health Specialist

Modeling this kind of encouragement is one of the best ways to teach your child how to manage their own big feelings. They see you handle mistakes with patience, celebrate small wins and keep trying — and they learn to do the same.

Parenting for your unique child

Every child is different. What works for one child may not work for another, and your parenting should reflect your child’s individual needs. Paying attention to their personality, interests and challenges can help you adjust your approach. This flexibility not only helps your child thrive but also reduces frustration for you as a parent.

Arizona resources for parent support

You don’t have to do it alone. First Things First funds programs and services to help you in your parenting journey:

Birth to Five Helpline – Free support for parents and caregivers of young children at 1-877-705-KIDS (5437).
Smart Support – Mental health consultation for early care and education providers to support children’s emotional well-being. Talk to your child care provider for support.
Family Resource Centers – Connect with other parents and caregivers to build your support network in this community space.

Nicoletta Kennedy is the Senior Director of Marketing and Strategic Initiatives at First Things First. She brings over a decade of experience in government and nonprofit work, where she has passionately championed the health and early learning of Arizona’s youngest children. Reach out to her at nkennedy@firstthingsfirst.org.