About Managing Big Feelings: This blog is part of the Managing Big Feelings video series, featuring expert insight about hitting, biting, sharing and tantrums from an infant and early childhood mental health specialist, Tiffany Stenson, MC, IMH-E.

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Few parenting moments feel as overwhelming as toddler tantrums.

One moment, your child may be happily playing. Next, they are crying, yelling or throwing themselves on the floor because something did not go their way.

While tantrums can be stressful for parents, they are also a normal part of early childhood. Young children are still learning how to understand and manage their emotions.

When parents respond with patience and support, these moments can become powerful opportunities to teach emotional skills that last a lifetime.

Why toddlers have tantrums

A toddler’s brain is still learning skills like impulse control, communication and emotional regulation. When feelings become too big, a tantrum may be the child’s way of releasing that stress.

Tantrums can be triggered by many situations, including:

• Frustration when something is difficult
• Being told “no” or asked to stop an activity
• Feeling tired, hungry or overstimulated
• Difficulty communicating needs or feelings
• Transitions, like leaving the park or going to bed

Toddlers are not trying to make life difficult for their parents. Most of the time, they simply do not yet have the tools to express what they feel.

Looking for patterns

One helpful step in managing tantrums is noticing when they happen. Some children can have tantrums in predictable situations.

• When it is time to stop playing
• During bedtime routines
• When asked to do something challenging
• In busy or noisy environments

Paying attention to patterns can help parents understand what their child may need.

Sometimes small changes can make a big difference. Giving a warning before a transition, breaking tasks into smaller steps or offering choices can help children handle situations more calmly.

What to do during a tantrum

When a tantrum begins, the most helpful response is often to stay calm and present. Young children borrow emotional cues from adults. When parents stay calm, it helps children calm down, too.

If your child is safe, you can keep your response simple and supportive.

• “I see you’re really upset.”
• “I’m here with you.”
• We will work together.”

Trying to reason with a child during a tantrum rarely works. In that moment, their brain is focused on emotion, not problem-solving.

Instead, your calm presence helps them move through the big feeling.

Teaching sharing over time

Tantrums become less frequent as children develop better ways to express themselves. Try to build these skills in everyday moments.

Talk about feelings

Helping children name emotions gives them tools to communicate. You might say, “You’re feeling frustrated,” or “You’re sad because playtime ended.”

Over time, children begin to recognize and talk about their emotions instead of acting them out.

Prepare for transitions

Many tantrums happen when children must stop doing something they enjoy. Giving warnings can help.

Try saying, “Five more minutes at the park, then we’ll go home.”

This helps children prepare for the change.

Break big tasks into small steps

Some activities feel overwhelming for young children. Breaking tasks into smaller parts can make them easier to handle.

A child who struggles with cleaning up toys or getting dressed may respond better when tasks feel manageable.

Model calm behavior

Children learn emotional regulation by watching adults. If you feel overwhelmed during a tantrum, it is okay to pause and take a few deep breaths.

Modeling calm responses teaches your child how to manage strong feelings.

Build a “calm-down toolkit”

Both parents and children benefit from having simple ways to calm their bodies during big emotions.

Some helpful tools include:

• Slow breathing
• Taking a quiet break
• Hugging a caregiver
• Listening to calming music
• Moving to a quiet space

One of the easiest tools is breathing. Taking slow breaths helps the body settle and can reduce strong emotions.

Over time, children learn to use these tools on their own.