If your toddler cries, clings or has meltdowns when it’s time to say goodbye—whether it’s preschool, grandma’s house or child care—you’re not alone.
Almost all young children go through separation anxiety, especially between 15 and 18 months or during big changes like starting preschool or welcoming a new sibling. And honestly? It just means they love you and feel safest when you’re around.
What Separation Anxiety Looks Like
- Crying at drop-off
- Clinging when a caregiver leaves
- Avoiding new places or people
- Waking up crying at night
- Crying or clinging in new situations
- Refusing to sleep without a caregiver nearby
- Worrying that something bad might happen to a caregiver
- Complaining of physical symptoms before separation, like tummy aches
Why It Happens
Separation anxiety is a totally normal part of child development. As toddlers grow, they start to understand that you and they are two separate people—and that sometimes you leave. But they don’t yet understand that you always come back. That’s where the fear kicks in.
What You Can Do
- Talk it through—even if they can’t talk back yet.
Let your child know where you’re going, who will be with them and that you’ll be back. Repeating this builds trust over time.
- Create a goodbye routine.
Whether it’s a special hug, a silly handshake or a goodbye song, routines help toddlers know what to expect and feel secure. Give your toddler clear expectations about what comes next in your transitional routine.
- Keep it short and sweet.
Don’t sneak out, but don’t drag it out either. Say goodbye with love and confidence—even if they’re crying. The longer you linger, the harder it gets.
- Take a deep breath—it’s okay to feel this too.
It might feel like the end of the world in the moment—your toddler has burst into tears, you’re late for work and they tug at your shirt in protest. It’s easy to feel guilty in these moments, but remember that this is a transitional time for both of you.
When Seperation is Unavoidable
Certain situations can make separation unavoidable, such as those experienced by immigrant families, within the justice system or by families affected by divorce or military service. If you or your child feels overwhelmed by your situation, don’t hesitate to seek help.